At the Car Wash

We did it! We planned a vacation on short notice. I had wanted to head out of town for a while and had thrown out some ideas, but life kept interrupting and I didn’t think that we would be able to leave. We decided on Thursday (maybe Wednesday) that we could take a small vacation if we planned it right and kept things tighter than usual.

So it came down to Vegas or Frisco. Upon exploring the idea, Vegas would be a little more interesting, but the heat became a factor. Kellee hates to be hot! It’s like she turns into a Demon who becomes enraged with the heat because it knows what’s in store for the future. Topped with the fact that this was a pregnant angry Kellee, I felt that I might be putting myself into harms way by heading east. Frisco became the easy choice.

On Saturday we headed up to visit my parents and Grandmother for the evening. I figured this was the best route to go since I would be getting up late in the afternoon and didn’t want to waste the money for a room that I would hardly be in.

Upon arriving my mom decided to take us to eat. We went to Denny’s; you should know that this was based on very narrow options. My Denny’s days were done long ago; those late night social gatherings ended in my early twenties. I rarely choose to go to Denny’s, as the old saying goes “No one chooses to go to Denny’s they just end up there”. The only reason I am telling you this is because, I had the worst sandwich of my life. Now I didn’t get anything to sophisticated or complex, just a BLT. I admit they gave me exactly what I asked for (but I have had this before and it was made properly). They gave me wilted lettuce on stale bread with a couple of crumbled up pieces of bacon that they made a two mornings ago. On top of that, the waitress never came by to give me a refill on my Pepsi (which is tantamount to an Anathema) …and there was only one other family in the place!

Afterwards, I took my truck through a gas station car wash, so that I could look good while traveling. My truck had a thick layer of dirt of a morning rain left on it and a couple days worth of bird droppings, so it was definitely due for at least a quick wash. It had to be quick. I couldn’t wait around and have it done right, because I had my pregnant wife, tired two-year old, and my grumpy grandmother in the car. I went passed about three or four car washes all of which were filled with lines of cars wanting to due the same thing as me. Now this is about 8:00 pm, so I’m not really sure what is going on around this town. Is this what the locals due for fun? Do they teens hang out at the local wash and just keep driving thru? Is this the latest trend?

I finally found a chevron with only two cars ahead of me; I decided to make my stand! So I ran up and paid for the wash. Now as I waited, I noticed that the guy in front of me punched in his code before the other person had finished. Smart move; get it all ready in advance. So when it was my turn, I did the same thing…punched in the code and waited. Then something weird happened. While the man in front of me was getting his car washed he did something… I don’t think he had his truck in park and his car slid back just a little. Then the wash stopped. His truck got stuck on the rail and he was squealing his tires to get them free! Then everything was fine. He got it all figured out and got the car wash going again. But wait a minute…it sort of looked like the wash was starting over again. It was! It was! He was washing his car on my dime…or my $5 bucks! Arghhhh! He’s stealing my car wash. Maybe, I was mistaken; this fool can’t really be getting two for the price of one? So, after he’s finished I reluctantly pull forward. Now I’m hoping, praying that this contraption is going to go and I’m simply worrying for nothing. When I enter the wash, my worst fears are realized…Nothing happens. I’ve already been in line for twenty minutes and Grandma’s grumbling and the child’s curious as to why there is no water. There are now three cars behind me. What to do? I can’t back up and if I go forward I lose my spot. Everyone’s in a panic. Fuming, I reluctantly pull the truck out of the wash STILL DIRTY.

My plan is simple; get my money back and call it a night! I walk into the mini-mart and tell the kid who are wet-behind-the pierced –big-lobed ears who it is very evident that this is his first job, about my predicament and he tells me that getting my money back is out of the question. He points to the sign that states NO REFUNDS on car washes. This in his mind should end the discussion and I should just leave. However, I’m stingy with my $5 and I want recompense.

So, he tells me “ok, ok go and type the number in again and see if it works.”

I know it’s not going to work; the other guy just used my wash! So I tell him that this is not possible, there are four other cars in line and I’m not going to wait for another ½ hour with a pregnant wife, tired kid, and cranky grandmother in my car! This would mean certain death if I went back to the truck and told them that we were going to wait around.

So, he asked that I stand aside so he can get the other customers through and then he would help me. Grudgingly I obliged, with his request. After a couple more customers go through, I step back to the counter to talk with the annoyed teenager with butthole earlobes. I ask him what can be done; I don’t want to wait in line and he won’t give me a refund, so the best idea would be to come back in the morning before I head out and get the car wash, all he has to do is give me another code to use.

“Uhh..alright, well just comeback in the morning then and they’ll give you a new code.”

Now, I might be goofy looking and an oaf, but that doesn’t mean I just fell off the turnip truck. So with a simpelton's cleverness I ask, “ So…your still going to be here in the morning?”

“Well, ummm.. No. I won’t be, but someone else will be able to help you.”

“How are they going to know what happened? How will they know that I’m telling the truth?”

“I guess you can get in line right now.”

I am burning fumes talking in circles with Jaguar’s Paw, so in very heated breath I ask, “You can’t just give me a new code?”

His frustration becomes visibly apparent, “Well, I can give you a code but it’s only good for today.”

“You mean until 12:00 am? Fine. I’ll take it.” I am exhausted from infuriation. I just want to get the Ladies home.

With the ever coveted code in hand I was out the door. However, the story does not end there. I take Faith and my Grandma Beans back to her house and head out with Kellee to complete our days task. When we arrive back to the gas station only to find there is another truck ahead of us in line (and no, I did not punch my code in while he was in the wash, thank you for asking). While in back of this truck I notice that there is something odd going on in the bed of his truck…like there are big pieces of soap-foam floating around. Upon futher investigation and straining eyes, I realize that this is not the case, rather there are projectiles flying out of the bed of his truck and the closer the water gets to the bed the harder they fly out. In a split second I realize what they are…Water Bottles! And they are gunning for me.

Most of you probably don’t know but water bottles have become my pet peeve as of late. Kellee and Faith drink warm water non-stop in my truck and when I go to get in there are always water bottles rolling out trying to make a quick escape. So to see Water Bottles (I suspect that the were empty- I hope) used as ammo was almost some sort of prophetic sign of future wrath. Maybe a bad omen of things to come. Thankfully, it must have been only a warning because we escaped unharmed and lived to tell the tale.